and today....sekali lagi entry yang penuh dengan perasaan2 sebegini....boringkan baca blog saya macam ni??......when i'm the one who read through this blog pun saya terasa gloomy bila baca balik entry2 saya ni......tapi.....saya tak mampu nak pretend gembira....buat2 bahagia when i'm not......
i don't know why..........but my heart feels like broken.....tears apart by somebody's solid hand.....and my fragile heart crushing into sands........i'm really really really sad and upset because of that 'things' and that 'somebody'........
i told myself.....forgive that 'someone'.......forget about all of this.......try to make clear of what is not......forgive.....forget.......forgive....forget.....forgive and forget.........i'm trying......trying to understand.....trying to put aside to my heart......trying to accept what stated as 'my fault'......trying to forgive on everything that put torn in my heart.......and trying to forget anything that keep the problem be a problem........i'm trying.....trying.....and trying........
but i think......i'm the only one who keep trying......and when the other party are not......at the time when i'm almost reach my winning ribbon.......the another third party come out with the gun.....shoot straight through my 'trying to heal' heart......then i fall.....and i'm lose......
i don't know how long can i keep this patient......but please.....my dear God.....give me the strength to hold this patient hardly......saya mohon dengan sangat Ya Allah.........
hari ni....my class held actuarial talk for actuarial students.....we're the host....so we have to handle up everything......and as the sexytary.....*perasan seksi!!*.......i'm stress of many kind of thing lately.......
everything done successfully......thanks to all my classmates on your 200% cooperation.....i really thanks and proud to all of you......
but somehow......i really regret....coz saya mungkin termarah....teremosi.....dan terherdik atau tertengking sesiapa yang 'ter'kena..........saya mintak maaf sangat2........i'm totally not myself today....and absolutely can't handle my mind and emotion.......i'm so regretful......rasa sangat berdosa.....
because of other things that bother me.....my emotion and myself......saya lepaskan tekanan saya pada orang lain.......saya mintak maaf sangat2.......
p/s: i think i start the mistake from the very beginning......rasanya saya tersilap langkah.....saya minta maaf pada semua yang 'ter'sakiti........
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